The fifth commandment reaches far beyond the parent/child relationship. It sets a pattern for how we relate to every authority God places in our lives and how those authorities must care for the people under them. The commandment trains households, churches, and nations in honor, love, order, and justice. The fifth commandment is:
“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the LORD your God gives you.” (Exo 20:12 NAS)
To honor someone means to follow the right standard of conduct and treat them with respectful admiration.
The fifth commandment is the only one with a promise. God adds this gracious pledge: “that your days may be prolonged in the land which the LORD your God gives you.” In other words, He offers long life and flourishing, so far as it serves His glory and our good, to those who honor the order He has established.
Who Counts as “Father and Mother”?
A child’s immediate authorities are his or her natural parents, the father and mother.
“Listen to your father who begot you, and do not despise your mother when she is old.” (Pro 23:22 NAS)
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth.” (Eph 6:1-3 NAS)
However, not all children have natural parents. Anyone placed over a child such as adoptive parents, foster parents, legal guardians, or wards of the state are in parental roles. So, the main point of the fifth commandment is the relationship between the child and parent roles. Paul said,
“Do not sharply rebuke an older man, but rather appeal to him as a father, to the younger men as brothers, the older women as mothers, and the younger women as sisters, in all purity.” (1Ti 5:1-2 NAS)
God uses the words “father” and “mother” to signify authority and to draw out affection and tenderness toward those who exercise parental care. This language is meant to form in those under authority a willing, cheerful spirit. In effect, the command teaches how people are to treat one another in every position whether, young and old, masters and servants, rulers and subjects, and government.
The fifth commandment sets the scope and duties in every relationship.
The commandment governs mutual duties among subordinates, authorities, and peers.
“Be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.” (Eph 5:21 NAS)
“Honor all men; love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the king.” (1Pet 2:17 NAS)
God commands everyone to honor those in authority, and He requires authorities to conduct themselves honorably.
What are the duties of those who are subordinate to authorities?
We owe reverence in our hearts, our words, and our actions towards those who are in authority over us. That means we cultivate an inward posture of respect rather than resentment.
“Let every person be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God. Therefore, he who resists authority has opposed the ordinance of God; and they who have opposed will receive condemnation upon themselves.” (Rom 13:1-2 NAS)
We should speak with courtesy, no sarcasm, slander, or contempt; and behave in ways that show honor; such as, listening without interrupting, following lawful instructions promptly, showing up on time, and caring for shared spaces.
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. Therefore, be imitators of God, as beloved children.” (Eph 4:31-32, 5:1 NAS)
Employees should respect and obey their employers with sincere goodwill, seeking their good as if serving the Lord.
“Slaves, in all things obey those who are your masters on earth, not with external service, as those who merely please men, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men.” (Col 3:22-23 NAS)
“Urge bondslaves to be subject to their own masters in everything, to be well-pleasing, not argumentative, not pilfering, but showing all good faith that they may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior in every respect.” (Tit 2:9-10 NAS)
We should pray and give thanks for those in authority over us, so that we may live in peace.
“First of all, then, I urge that entreaties and prayers, petitions and thanksgivings, be made on behalf of all men, for kings and all who are in authority, in order that we may lead a tranquil and quiet life in all godliness and dignity.” (1Ti 2:1-2 NAS)
We should give willing obedience to the lawful commands and counsel of every rightful authority. And we are to honor and respect all people, even those who are difficult or unreasonable.
“Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority, or to governors as sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and the praise of those who do right. For such is the will of God that by doing right you may silence the ignorance of foolish men. Act as free men, and do not use your freedom as a covering for evil, but use it as bondslaves of God. Honor all men; love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the king. Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable.” (1Pe 2:13-18 NAS)
“Obey your leaders, and submit to them; for they keep watch over your souls, as those who will give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with grief, for this would be unprofitable for you.” (Heb 13:17 NAS)
We should practice humble submission to corrections when they are just. We owe fidelity, defense, and support for their person and office.
“Remind them to be subject to rulers, to authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good deed, to malign no one, to be uncontentious, gentle, showing every consideration for all men.” (Tit 3:1-2 NAS)
What are the sins of those who are subordinate to authorities?
Sins against authorities include envy, contempt, and rebellion against their persons or offices.
“And the people will be oppressed, each one by another, and each one by his neighbor; The youth will storm against the elder, And the inferior against the honorable.” (Isa 3:5 NAS)
“And he who strikes his father or his mother shall surely be put to death.” (Exo 21:15 NAS)
God forbids resisting lawful counsel, commands, or correction. He also forbids cursing, mocking, or any scandalous behavior that shames those in authority. In the Old Testament, some of these sins were so serious that they carried the death penalty.
“If any man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey his father or his mother, and when they chastise him, he will not even listen to them, then his father and mother shall seize him, and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gateway of his home town. “And they shall say to the elders of his city, ‘This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey us, he is a glutton and a drunkard.’ “Then all the men of his city shall stone him to death; so you shall remove the evil from your midst, and all Israel shall hear of it and fear.” (Deu 21:18-21 NAS)
It is a sin against the authority to find loopholes in order to cancel out their commands. Jesus rebuked the leaders for dodging God’s command to honor their parents. By following their tradition, they canceled God’s Word through loopholes.
“For God said, ‘Honor your father and mother,’ and, ‘He who speaks evil of father or mother, let him be put to death.’ “But you say, ‘Whoever shall say to his father or mother, “Anything of mine you might have been helped by has been given to God,” he is not to honor his father or his mother.’ And thus you invalidated the word of God for the sake of your tradition.” (Matt 15:4-6 NAS)
Paul teaches that civil authorities are God’s servants who reward good and punish evil, so we must submit to them for conscience’s sake, pay our taxes, and give them the respect and honor that are due.
“For rulers are not a cause of fear for good behavior, but for evil. Do you want to have no fear of authority? Do what is good, and you will have praise from the same; for it is a minister of God to you for good. But if you do what is evil, be afraid; for it does not bear the sword for nothing; for it is a minister of God, an avenger who brings wrath upon the one who practices evil. Wherefore it is necessary to be in subjection, not only because of wrath, but also for conscience ‘ sake. For because of this you also pay taxes, for rulers are servants of God, devoting themselves to this very thing. Render to all what is due them: tax to whom tax is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honor to whom honor.” (Rom 13:3-7 NAS)
What are the duties of those who are authorities to subordinates?
God requires all leaders in authority to love, care, and seek their subordinates best interest. Authorities must teach, counsel, and admonish those they oversee.
“And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. “And these words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart; and you shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.” (Deu 6:5-7 NAS)
“These things speak and exhort and reprove with all authority. Let no one disregard you.” (Tit 2:15 NAS)
He calls them to commend and reward what is good while restraining and correcting what is evil.
“The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother. When the wicked increase, transgression increases; But the righteous will see their fall. Correct your son, and he will give you comfort; He will also delight your soul.” (Pro 29:15-17 NAS)
God commands parents and authorities to protect and provide for both soul and body of those who are subordinate to them.
“But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever.” (1Ti 5:8 NAS)
God calls the elders of society to model seriousness, wisdom, and holiness, so that God is honored and rightful authority is preserved.
“Older men are to be temperate, dignified, sensible, sound in faith, in love, in perseverance. Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips, nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be dishonored.” (Tit 2:2-5 NAS)
What are the sins of those who are authorities to subordinates?
Sins of authorities include neglect of duty or self-seeking in pursuit of their own glory, ease, profit, or pleasure. Parents sin when they provoke their children to anger.
“And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Eph 6:4 NAS)
Authorities sin by favoring evil and discouraging what is good. God condemns moral inversion, prideful people who celebrate evil, excuse wickedness for a bribe, and strip the innocent of their rights by calling evil good and good evil.
“Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; Who substitute darkness for light and light for darkness; Who substitute bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter! Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes, And clever in their own sight! Woe to those who are heroes in drinking wine, And valiant men in mixing strong drink; Who justify the wicked for a bribe, And take away the rights of the ones who are in the right!” (Isa 5:20-23 NAS)
An authority that commands people to do what is unlawful or breaks the law for their own gain is dishonorable. In 1st Kings 21:1-16, Naboth rightly refused to sell his ancestral vineyard to King Ahab. In order to steal Naboth’s land, Queen Jezebel staged a sham fast with false witnesses, had Naboth falsely accused of blasphemy and stoned, and enabled Ahab to seize the vineyard.
“Woe to those who enact evil statutes, And to those who constantly record unjust decisions, So as to deprive the needy of justice, And rob the poor of My people of their rights, In order that widows may be their spoil, And that they may plunder the orphans.” (Isa 10:1-2 NAS)
God condemns authorities who do not enact justice upon criminals.
“Why dost Thou make me see iniquity, And cause me to look on wickedness? Yes, destruction and violence are before me; Strife exists and contention arises. Therefore, the law is ignored And justice is never upheld. For the wicked surround the righteous; Therefore, justice comes out perverted.” (Hab 1:3-4 NAS)
“How long will you judge unjustly, and show partiality to the wicked?” (Psa 82:2 NAS)
Because those who are in authority behave wicked, unjustly, or foolishly, they dishonor themselves and weaken their authority.
What are the duties and sins of peers?
We have a duty to be honorable to those who are equal to ourselves. Those who are equal to ourselves are peers. Peers must honor each other’s God-given worth.
“Honor all men; love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the king.” (1Pet 2:17 NAS)
“Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor.” (Rom 12:10 NAS)
Peers should honor one another, rejoice in each other’s gifts, and encourage one another’s advancement.
“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” (Phi 2:3-4 NAS)
Corrupt behavior toward others such as self-love, greed, arrogance, disobedience, and hypocrisy is sin against our peers. Such people must be avoided.
“For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God; holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; and avoid such men as these.” (2Ti 3:2-5 NAS)
When people treat each other honorably, they set an example for how they are to keep the fifth commandment to honor their father and mother.
The Fifth Commandment codifies manners and social conduct into law.
The fifth commandment forms the backbone of good manners because it trains us to honor every person in their place. Honor begins with our speech. We speak gently and truthfully, refusing sarcasm, slander, or coarse talk; we aim for words that build up and give grace (Prov 15:1; Eph 4:29; Col 4:6). We are quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger, so that our conversations show patience and self-control rather than interruption and irritation (Jas 1:19; Prov 12:16). We remember that a soft answer turns away wrath, while a harsh word stirs up strife (Prov 15:1).
Honor also governs how we carry ourselves in public. We yield the right of way, take the lower seat, and avoid drawing attention to ourselves, because humility is the Christian’s adornment (Luke 14:10; 1 Pet 5:5; Phil 2:3–4). We arrive on time, keep our promises, and respect others’ schedules, because letting our “Yes” be “Yes” is part of honest love (Matt 5:37; Rom 12:10). We respect property lines, and shared spaces, cleaning up after ourselves and leaving things better than we found them (Rom 13:7; 1 Cor 10:24). We show special deference to the elderly and those who serve the public and thanking those who labor for our good (Lev 19:32; Rom 13:7).
Honor shapes how we disagree. We refuse to quarrel, mock, or score points; instead, we seek peace and pursue it, answering with gentleness and listening before we reply (Rom 14:19; Prov 18:13; 2 Tim 2:24–25). We do not broadcast others’ faults or join gossip; love covers a multitude of sins, and a trustworthy person keeps a matter confidential (1 Pet 4:8; Prov 11:13; Prov 26:20). When we must correct, we do so as to a father or mother, a brother or sister, with dignity and purity (1 Tim 5:1–2). If we wrong someone, we make it right promptly; if we are wronged, we bear with one another and forgive as the Lord forgave us (Col 3:12–15).
Honor directs our hospitality and everyday kindness. We make room at the table, greet others warmly, and show consideration to guests, newcomers, and those on the margins (Heb 13:2; Rom 12:13). We avoid being loud, intrusive, or overbearing; prudence knows when to speak and when to be silent, and love does not insist on its own way (Eccl 3:7; Prov 25:17; 1 Cor 13:4–5). We watch our digital manners by refusing to forward rumor, shame, or rage, and we write online as if the person were in the room with us, since the same command to edify governs our keyboards (Eph 4:29; Titus 3:2).
Honor guides work and daily tasks. Employees give honest labor without grumbling, and employers lead with fairness and care, because the Lord weighs both sides (Eph 6:5–9; Col 3:23; Phil 2:14). Drivers obey the laws and put others safety first, because governing authorities are God’s servants for our good (Rom 13:1–4). Shoppers, diners, and patrons treat staff with patience and gratitude, tipping generously when appropriate and speaking respectfully as to fellow image-bearers (1 Pet 2:17; Gal 5:22–23).
Honor begins at home. Children rise, speak respectfully, and help without complaint; parents correct with gentleness and consistency, not provoking their children to anger (Prov 23:22; Eph 6:4). Husbands and wives practice mutual respect, tenderness, and service, modeling the gospel in the smallest courtesies of daily life (Eph 5:21; 1 Pet 3:7). In all things we aim to outdo one another in showing honor, because Christ first honored us by taking the lower place and giving Himself for our salvation (Rom 12:10; Phil 2:5–8).